Ever wanted to get your hands on a paranormal piece of guitar gear supposedly cursed by ghosts and spirits? Probably not, but this listing for a haunted acoustic guitar from online retailer Reverb.com is worth the read, nonetheless.
Shipping from American Vintage & Boutique Music Emporium, this spooky six-stringed instrument is said to be haunted by souls from the “spirit world”, and would be perfect for stripped-back renditions of Iron Maiden’s Ghost of the Navigator and Red Hot Chili Peppers’ American Ghost Dance.
The proprietor of the possessed acoustic has told the terrifying tale behind the ghastly guitar, and has offered it to those who are “more in tune with the tenebrous forces of the malevolent netherworld”.
And so, the haunting story begins, “A kid that lived on my street when I was growing up was rumored to be into devil worship, seances, Aleister Crowley, Black Magic, and other dark endeavors of the Spirit World.
“I later learned that this neophyte necromancer was born in June ‘66, and died tragically on Halloween, 1979, when he was just 13 years old,” the listing explains. “His death has never been solved, but the calamitous kid was found lying on his bed with THIS GUITAR draped across him.”
Supposedly, at the scene, “a 45 record of Blue Öyster Cult’s Don’t Fear the Reaper was playing, while the air was thick with the acrid smell of sulfur emanating from some perverse potion the young hellion had been mixing with his Lil’ Gilbert chemistry set.”
What’s more, it is said “a hellhound hailing from the bowels of Hades howled horrendously into the unhallowed hellish night”.
However, the spooky saga doesn’t end there. The seller continues, “Years later, I ran into the defunct boy’s mother, and when I informed her that I was a professional guitarist, she offered me her devilish, daisy-pushin son’s git-fiddle.”
The ghostly guitar soon became cause for concern for the unfortunate recipient, who heard strings discordantly ring out despite living alone, and saw the battered axe “levitate out of the trash can I had somberly placed it in”.
Seeing no other way out, the owner had no choice but to put the jinxed guitar up for sale, imploring people to “use EXTREME CAUTION when conjuring the phantasmic spirits that seem to be channeled through this eerie instrument”.
As for what model the guitar is, the seller regrettably reveals the brand name decal has been struck off by Satan, though his research “leads me to believe it’s a Kay Western Special” from the ‘50s or ‘60s.
A genuine haunting, or a horror-style sales pitch to bump the value? Either way, we’ll be blaming spirits and ghosts for all the fluffed notes we play from now on.
If you’re curious about the cursed guitar, which lists for an appropriate price of $666, head over to Reverb for more information.